The workplace is much like a dinner party, except instead of mutterings of "would anyone like some cheese?" it's more "can you believe it's Friday already?!" or "sometimes it's not worth going on holiday the amount of work I come back to!" ER, YES IT IS YOU MASSIVE LOSER. Anyway okay so maybe the workplace isn't much like a dinner party at all but there is one rule that applies to dinner parties that SHOULD apply to the workplace: NEVER TALK ABOUT POLITICS OR RELIGION.
Now in these recent troubled times (we all know what I'm talking about, Cheryl getting back with Ashley. LOL not really, the riots is what I'm talking about you idiot) this, seemingly, is hard to avoid. The riots were a massively surreal, scary and affected nearly everyone in the UK, even if you weren't directly affected, the fear that you might be was an affect in itself. Therefore it's natural and unsurprising that people want to talk about it, and inevitably this spills over into the workplace. The trouble is, people's opinions on this particular subject are so tied up in politics it all gets a bit messy. Everyone suddenly seemed an expert on the whole phenomenon, shoot them! vs. hug them! take away their benefits! vs. give them more youth clubs! Etc etc. And all that is in-between, there was more passion flying about than in an orange & passionfruit J20. WOW WHAT A SHIT ANALOGY.
My problem is, this passion meant I was suddenly encountered with people booming their opinions in my face, a bit like those religious people who stand on a box and boom predictions of hell through a speakerphones in shopping centres, except at work, there's no chance of taking an escape route into Topshop, you have to just sit there and listen. I found myself sitting uncomfortably in a wheelie chair (weeee! I love wheelie chairs!) while someone basically told me how the scum should be locked up, we should get the water cannons out, take away their benefits etc etc. I’m not sure if a bit of spit flew out of their mouth, but it might have. I mean, I looked VISIBLY uncomfortable, shifting about fake clicky clicking on my mouse, I certainly didn't engage apart from the odd "mmmm" and if "mmmm" suddenly means "YES I AGREE PLEASE CARRY ON!" then, well, it doesn’t basically.
This wasn't just one occasion, the next morning I was faced with a similar conversation at approximately 9.15am. My god I’m already in a bad mood at this time just by actually BEING at work, don’t exacerbate problems, I might do something mental like snap a biro. Luckily the phone rang, I've never been so happy to talk to Sandra in HR in my whole life. And even if it wasn't a direct conversation to me, I could still hear people putting the world to rights down the corridor. And when I say "putting the world to rights" I mean "blaming the parents" and inevitably I just sit at my desk silently seething inwardly with rage. Which is no good for my health you know.
I suppose some people might say that I should've piped up and countered their position but believe me, I've tried to do this in the past and it never ends well. In my last job it ended up with someone crying in the toilet saying she "wasn't a racist". Well she totally was a racist and also very highly strung actually before you start thinking I'm a bully.
And to be honest, the type of views being spouted isn't really the point, it's the way they’re conveyed. I wouldn't start going around yelling "But how did we get here? What are the reasons? WHAT ARE THE REEEEASSSONS?" while people are trying to eat their lunch. Mmmm I want some Riesens.
The only feasible reason I can think to why people at work suddenly felt it was suddenly okay to discuss this kind of stuff in the workplace was that they felt it WASN'T political, that they felt it was what everyone was thinking and everyone was in the same consensus. I know it's easy to get a bit blinkered when you hang out with people who are similar to you or read the same paper all the time. I found this out recently when I admitted at work that I found it hard not to drink wine every day, people looked aghast and ready to stage an intervention – "every day? But I feel hungover after one glass!". WTF get a grip. Or when I said I was going to Glastonbury Festival "BUT HOW DO YOU GO TO THE TOILET??” I'm sorry I don't even understand the question. So basically I can only presume that these opinions-in-the-face givers thought that I felt like they did.
Well I didn't and the awkwardness was so cringey, it was like the Edinburgh Cringe Festival HAHAHAHA, and I just wanted it to end, or not just end, I wanted to scream in their face SHUTUP YOU MASSIVE WANG. I'm totally okay with people having different opinions from me, if someone walked in my office and told me how much they loved U2 then I'd probably be up for a lively debate about it, but political stuff is so heart-on-sleeve emotional that the same rules just don't apply.
So please, I urge you all out there, let's not talk about tense political stuff at work, let's have a lovely chat at the watercooler about some fluffy stuff . So, can you believe Cheryl got back with Ashley? What a total berk.
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